life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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