All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
