i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
