did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
