this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
