he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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