only if we run a train.
done.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are two peas in an std pod
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
