Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
