I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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