i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
