I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
