how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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