so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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