Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
