omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
