giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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