She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
