I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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