No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
