Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
