a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
