I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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