when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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