never play flip cup with pint glasses
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
