dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
