I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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