i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
