Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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