the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
