what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
