Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
