My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
