thus making me awesome and them whores
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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