We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Mom said you looked used
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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