? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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