I think i peed on brittanys purse
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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