There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
