He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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