my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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