i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
