I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
