found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The power of my boobs compel you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
