Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
