Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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