life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
