I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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