Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
