ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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