Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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