Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
